Sample TOEFL iBT Essay
A student wrote this TOEFL iBT practice essay in under 30 minutes.
| Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? |
| It is more important to study science and technology than to study the arts and humanities. |
| Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. |
I cannot judge the reasoning for the idea that the signicance of studying science and technology outweighs that of arts and humanities. It sounds too extreme to me. Adimittedly, acqauring the knowledge of science and technology is a necessity for us to live and make success in the real life, but can they substitutes arts and humanity? The answwer is definitely "No!". The reason is based on the fact that science and arts are equally important subjects that deal with different aspects of life. At the same time, they are like two halves of a fruit's shell compensating each other in maintaining good balances of our society during the course of social development.
First, in our social life arts and humannity bear equal importance to that of science and technology. Science and technology have brought tremendous prositive changes to our life. If it had not for the first Industrializaiotn Revolution and the introduction of railways and trains, we might still have to depend on horse-driven carriage to move around. Similarly, if it had not for the development of internet technology, we could have still contacted poeple liveing abroud with telegrams. All these spectacular changes are because of the advancement of science and technology. However, we still need the knowledge of arts and humanity to understand more about another important factor of this society: the human beings
Second, learing arts and hunamity help to build a sound but flexible mind, which is the primary source for creation.
Evaluation and error analyis
This essay shows that it is possible to know the language well but to write poorly. The student uses advanced grammar, a wide range of vocabulary, and a variety of sentence structures. Still, the essay is poorly written. Here's why:
structure |
An essay must have a definite essay structure. It should have an introduction, a body, and a conclusion. It is clear that the student understands this but has run out of time. Even so, if the essay is not fully developed, then your ideas are not fully developed and you have not communicated effectively. | |
introduction |
Maybe this would be a good introduction for a longer essay, but not for a 30-minute TOEFL essay. The introduction should give general information about the essay topic and tell the reader what your opinion is. It is not necessary to mention details of your argument. In the case, a shorter introduction would allow more time to develop ideas and complete the essay. | |
supporting ideas |
After a topic sentence, there should be supporting ideas. Supporting ideas relate to the topic sentence, explain why the topic sentence is true, and help support your thesis statement. In the second paragraph of this essay, most of the supporting ideas explain why it is important to study science and technology, and this is the opposite of the writer's thesis! | |
grammar: conditional |
INCORRECT: |
If it had not for the... |
CORRECT: | If it had not been for the... | |
collocations |
INCORRECT: |
make success in... |
CORRECT: | be successful in... | |
articles |
INCORRECT: |
in the real life |
CORRECT: | in real life | |
articles |
INCORRECT: |
the human beings |
CORRECT: | human beings | |
spelling |
INCORRECT: |
adimittedly |
CORRECT: | admittedly | |
spelling |
INCORRECT: |
acqauring |
CORRECT: | acquiring | |
spelling |
INCORRECT: |
humannity |
CORRECT: | humanity | |
spelling |
INCORRECT: |
liveing |
CORRECT: | living | |
spelling |
INCORRECT: |
abroud |
CORRECT: | abroad | |
