Sample TOEFL iBT Essay
A student wrote this TOEFL iBT practice essay in under 30 minutes.
| Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? |
| Animals should be free; people should not keep them in zoos. |
| Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. |
Everybody knows how many animals live at the zoos all over the world.Animals should always be free,people should not keep them in the zoos.
On one hand, to put the animals inside of the cages, is not the human act. Doing this type of crimes, we teach our children how to behave not properly.Also we are giving them very bad examples,which can contribute for more violence.Also still there are some laboratories, where researchers are using animals for their experiments.Poor animals, they can not protect themselves.
However,animals are living creatures, like us, and we have to protect them.on one hand, in some countries, there are reservations, where the animals can live free in the nature.On the other hand, there are many organizations, that help them to have a healthy live stile.Furthermore, there are people, who adopt animals at their houses and take a good,proper care of them.
In conclusion I would like to say,that no matter how strong are the human beings, they do not have rights to capture the animals at the zoos.Finally by taking some measures to protect the animals, we can give good examples for our children.
Evaluation and error analyis
This essay demonstrates below-average writing skills. Did you see any mistakes? There are many. Here are some of the biggest:
prepositions |
INCORRECT: |
contribute for more violence |
CORRECT: | contribute to more violence | |
prepositions |
INCORRECT: |
to put animals inside of cages |
CORRECT: | to put animals inside cages | |
word order |
INCORRECT: |
Also still there are some laboratories... |
CORRECT: | Also, there are still some laboratories... | |
word order and articles |
INCORRECT: |
...no matter how strong are the human beings... |
CORRECT: | ...no matter how strong human beings are... | |
collocations |
INCORRECT: |
do a crime |
CORRECT: | commit a crime | |
collocations |
INCORRECT: |
give an example to our children |
CORRECT: | set an example for our children | |
(A teacher gives an example to the class. A father sets an example for his children.) | ||
transitional phrases |
Improper transitional phrases at the beginning of each topic sentence. On one hand and however are best used inside a paragraph, not at the beginning of one. At the beginning of a paragraph in the essay body, it is best to use transitions such as first, first of all, in the first place, for starters, second, another point is, etc. |
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punctuation |
The comma (,) should be used after every transitional word or phrase (however, finally, in conclusion, etc). Also, commas cannot connect two sentences. |
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punctuation |
The period (.) is used at the end of a sentence. After a period, there should always be a space. |
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